Depression and Anxiety are not a Choice.

There has been a lot of talk going around the internet surrounding the recent death of Robin Williams. While I am greatly saddened, I hope we can use his tragedy to spread light on the fact that many people are quick to deny-

 Mental illness is real.

Depression is real.

Anxiety is real.

And it can kill.

Mental illness is devastating to those who suffer from it and those around them. I know this because I am a sufferer of depression and anxiety. In my short 30 years of life, I have suffered from depression, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, and panic disorder. For lack of better words, it sucks.

It sucks because a lot of people think you should just choose not to be depressed anymore. People don't judge diabetics for taking insulin, but they will judge people with mental illness for taking medication.

(Image source: http://imgur.com/gallery/CWFTYoV)

If you are one of those people who thinks that enough healthy eating, sleeping, exercise, and prayer will pull you out of the pit of depression, I am happy for you. I am glad that worked for you. But, it doesn't work for everyone.

Depression is more than feeling blue. It is feeling like this:  Anne Voskamp.
It is the feeling of no feelings. I liken it to ring in one of those rooms Star Wars style where the walls are closing in on you and crushing you.

OCD is more than wanting a neat room or being clean. It is vomiting after you eat because you are sure your food has been poisoned. It driving back to make sure you didn't run anyone over every time you hit a bump. It is checking your baby's pulse every 10 minutes because you are sure he died of SIDS. It is removing all the knives from your house so no one gets hurt. I can say that because I've lived it.

What people need suffering from mental illness is not to be torn down, to be ridiculed. We need God. We need your compassion, caring and prayers. Sometimes we need medication too.

My name is Katie, and I have suffered from anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety, depression and most recently post partum depression. I take medication and I am not ashamed.

Because at the end of the day, it is NOT a choice. NO ONE would ever choose to feel like this.

If you ever need someone to talk to, you can comment and I will email you. I will listen, and pray for you. Whatever you need. You are not alone!

Katie

Would You Accept Government Help if you Qualified?

I have mentioned before we do not make a lot of money. My husband is self employed and currently I am unemployed outside the home (I am a homemaker!)

Earlier in the year we received a letter telling us we qualified for free and reduced price lunch. I had mixed feelings on this, but we did not have to do anything to accept it so I accepted it. Most of the time my son was a packer. When he did buy lunch, the food seemed to give him very bad gas (it isn't the healthiest of fare, but I am all for everything in moderation).

Because we do not make a lot of money, it has come to our attention we qualify for a few government services, such as WIC, LIHEAP, and health care tax credit.

I was interested in the health care tax credit, but once again my husband and I have mixed feelings about insurance. We have a friend who traveled to another country and broke her leg, and at that country's hospital, each procedure was listed with the expense. We both think it makes a lot more sense to pay for services rendered.
Then we heard about the concept of Christian health care bill sharing programs. Essentially you pay a monthly gift that helps everyone pay their medical bills. At this point in time, this is the route we are taking for health care.

If you are interested, here are 3 links to Christian health care programs:

Christian Healthcare Ministries

Christian Medi-Share

Samaritan Ministries

We have also qualified for the Women, Infants and Children Supplemental Food Program. I think this is a great program, helping provide breastfeeding support and nutritious foods for mothers and their babies. But, even though we qualify, I do not feel we should accept it unless we are really desperate for food. And we are not. We are incredibly blessed.

I do worry about the future- what if my husband income diminishes, etc. But it this a reason to accept help?

What would you do?

Inspiration from a Bumper Sticker?

While on vacation I spotted a bumper sticker that said, "The best things in life aren't things". This got me thinking. Which isn't normal, (ha) because bumper stickers usually make me think "ah, look at that dumb bumper sticker. bumper stickers are dumb." (Profound thoughts.)

But, I got to thinking how that is true, the best things in life aren't things. I've noticed I've gone through kind of a developmental process when it comes to "things".

See, I grew up middle class so I never knew a life with true needs. My parents didn't indulge me silly, but I was quite privileged (not trying to brag, just stating as is.) I don't think I thought much about material possessions, they were there, I had them, I enjoyed them.

When we got out own our own, my husband and I had a baby real young, (i. e. no money) and we are both in fields of the not high earning type (arts and education). So, in the beginning (and still currently), we don't have a lot of money. This has meant we have had to forgo things.

In the beginning, I can remember thinking about all the baby stuff and adult stuff I would like to buy if we had money. I didn't buy it because I didn't have the money to (at one point we didn't even have the internet, as we could not afford it). My parents instilled a very "anti-debt" sentiment in me, so I wasn't going to go into debt for these things I wanted, but I still wanted them. I wanted to drive a more appropriate "mom" car, not my old Volkswagen Jetta. I wanted fancy jeans, not thrift store jeans. I wanted to "fit in" . Somehow I thought I wanted to define my personality through these things.

Then, as time wore on, and I developed more as a person, (and had my journey to minimalism) I came to a revelation: even if I had the money, I wouldn't want to buy these things. Who I am isn't defined by a collection of things I own(or don't own). My stuff isn't my personality, it is just tools I need for survival. My pants keep me decent. My car gets me from point A to point B.  I mean, of course I want good food and decent shelter, but beyond that, happiness doesn't come from a better car, a bigger house, or snazzy clothes. My happiness comes from the time spent with my family, the evening walks, the board games, the wading in the creek. The discussions in bed late morning with my husband and son about what we dreamed the night before. The things that are not things.

I don't have a ton of money now. I have traded money right now for time - time to be a mom (my most favorite job). But, even if I had a million bucks, you'd still see me in thrift store jeans.

Because really, the best things in life aren't things. All that from a bumper sticker.

Katie

Vacation and a Break from Thought

My family has been on a lovely vacation this week at a lake house with my parents, sisters and their families in the beautiful state of Vermont. I have enjoyed the week and being "away from it all", the slow summer days, watching my son play and swim in the lake with his cousins, having bonfires and making smores at night.

I really needed this time away, lately my thoughts have been bringing me down. I have been in the midst of reading "Garbagology" by Edward Humes, and while very informative, this book has really been bringing me down. I feel that even if I make an effort to reduce my waste, everywhere I look around me it is astounding to see the amount of waste going on. It really is astronomical. I found myself being irritated by every giant SUV I see, every plastic water bottle. " Don't these people care at all?" I think in despair to myself. But, this kind of thinking does not bring me anywhere but down.

I am trying to live and find ways to make positive impact in and outside myself, but it was very nice to be away and not think about the waste in the world for a week.

Things that seem normal to us but has friends and family members thinking we're not..

Over the course of time my husband and I have made changes in our lives. These were due to budget concerns, environmental concerns, etc. They have become normal and routine for us, but I find friends and extended family members think we are a little "off". Here are just a few.

1.) No television

We own a television. It is hooked up to a vcr (yes, we still have one) and a dvd player. But, we have no channels. We used to have the basic channels, but when things went digital, our 1995 model tv no longer broadcasted them (and we were to lazy to get a converter. No regrets.) My son watches shows on the computer (and so do we), and we rent dvds from the library. This seems totally routine for us, but often I get, "you don't have cable?" "no." "Basic channels?"  "No". "??"

We do have and pay for the internet, that was non-negotiable (except when we couldn't afford it, and we didn't).

2.) As long as were on technology, neither one of us has a smart phone. Or a GPS. We each have a cell phone (and we have a family ipad). We survive with the phone and maps. Really. We do.

3.) Paper towels

I stopped buying paper towels about a year or so ago. I had an old flannel sheet that I cut up into rags. Is it gross? Yeah, sometimes it's gross. But you get over it and get used to it, and now I refuse to spend money on a paper towel when I can use a regular towel just fine. We have a "rag bag" system in our kitchen, there is a clean bag of rags, and a dirty bag of rags. When the dirty bag is full, I wash them.

4.) Tissues

Once again, like paper towels, I use a hanky. If our snots are really bad, we use a roll of recycled toilet paper. It works fine.

5.) Homemade yogurt.

Yogurt is like the gateway to making things from scratch. Once you've made yogurt, you get the "heck, I could make anything!" feeling going. The funny thing is, it is pretty easy to make, and cheap/ I make a half gallon of yogurt for $2.50 (the cost of a half gallon of local farm fresh hormone free milk sold in returnable glass bottle).

Do you have things that you do that have become routine but have people thinking your a little off when you tell them?

Katie

Public Enemy #1 - Water Bottles

We don't buy bottled water anymore. I am sure to people who are deep into an environmentally friendly lifestyle do not either, but I find most people around me still drink from plastic water bottles.

Not buying bottled water is probably the easiest (and cost effective) choice anyone can make. I actually think it is quite humorous we pay for water. When I was growing up bottled water wasn't even a "thing".

I have no problem drinking tap water, we live in the United States near a major city and have city water, I feel confident I can drink it without dropping dead or getting some weird bacterial disease. My husband is more fussy and does not like the taste of tap water, so he prefers filtered tap water.

That being said, what are the best bottle options? We own 3 bottles between the 2 of us, and we have 2 bottles for our son. We each have our own preference, so here I will tell you about each (and let you decide for yourself which water bottle you want!)

The first point for me was that the bottle must be dishwasher safe. This eliminated all aluminum options (such as the popular "Sigg" brand). My most used bottle is my Klean Kanteen. I just have the basic 18 oz stainless steel model with a screw off cap.



There she is. It is dishwasher safe and does the job fine. We have 2 12 oz bottles for our son (which started out with a sippy top and now just have the screw off). He takes them to school for snack/lunch as we do not purchase juice pouches any longer.

My husband, on the other hand, feels that the stainless steel water bottles have a metallic taste (I don't notice this, maybe I am not as sensitive?) So he has 2 other bottles. One is the Life Factory Glass bottle in a silicon sleeve:

This is also dishwasher safe. My only complaint would be it is a little heavy. But, despite being glass it is sturdy and solid.

My husband's favorite bottle is his stainless steel Clearly Filtered water bottle that has a filter right in it.

The biggest drawback to this one in my opinion is that the filter has to be replaced every 6 months. The high point? It is good for camping when you don't know if your drinking water is safe.

Buying a reusable water bottle is one of the easiest investments into a low waste lifestyle. And you really do not need more than one per person.


Katie